


There's A First Time For Everything

by Ramencat5



Series: mini Minnie's smol stuff [1]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Age Regression, Age Regression/De-Aging, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Caregiver Jeongin, Crying, Cuddles, Domestic Fluff, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Have a nice day, Hope you enjoy, Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, Kim Seungmin-centric, Little Seungmin, Minchan are so sweet, Platonic Male/Male Relationships, Platonic Relationships, Prequel to my mini Minnie series!, Sick Character, This is a doozy, agere, based on stuff ive felt, no srsly seungmin appreciation time, not me projecting on seungmin, we need more seungmin fics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-27
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:07:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 17,823
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27875813
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ramencat5/pseuds/Ramencat5
Summary: Seungmin found an unconventional way of relieving stress that actually helped. One in which he found himself acting more and more like a child as he explored it.He knew he could find other things to help, but this worked better than anything he had ever tried before.A little dabbling in it wouldn't hurt.One thing led to another, and what started out as innocent thumb-sucking ended with Seungmin realizing he was a full-fledged age regressor.
Relationships: Kim Seungmin & Yang Jeongin | I.N
Series: mini Minnie's smol stuff [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2039337
Comments: 36
Kudos: 117





	1. then

**Author's Note:**

> Seungyu left this lovely comment on a Sunflowers chapter: "Heyheyhey i got a questionnnnn  
> I cant remember if there was a story of how everyone found out Seungmin was little??  
> If there isnt, thats also one of my requests :)  
> Thankie and have a greaaaaat dayyyyy" 
> 
> Ahh the backstory that isn't out yet is finally going to be revealed! I was figuring out the details even before I got this request, but thank you for asking! I initially started this as a collection of Seungmin's 'first times', so you're getting more than what you asked for 😅 
> 
> Without further ado, I present to you: How Seungmin became an age regressor (plus other assorted moments in part 2!)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seungmin discovers a new side of himself, one he wants to hide from the others until he is sure of what to do about it.

It started with a thought.

Everything started with thoughts, of course. To be specific, it started with Seungmin remembering a fun fact. Whether it was from listening to Jisung ramble about the trivia videos he had watched, or simply from one of his deep dives on the internet, he didn't know.

_Fun fact: blowing on your thumb reduces anxiety._

Seungmin rarely got stressed out or anxious, usually more tired after a long day, if anything.

But it had been one of those days of things going wrong and feeling inferior. Other thoughts, that were not fun facts, kept swimming through his mind, keeping him awake until - what time was it?

He tapped his phone screen. It was well past four am. Work had ended three hours ago, and he just wanted sleep.

His brain kept refusing to let him, instead reminding him of his mistakes and what he could have done better. He sighed, holding his thumb above his face and blinking at it in the darkness, the only source of light being the faint moonlight seeping in from beneath the curtains.

He blew on it, feeling no different save for the cool gust of air on his finger. Stimulating some nerve in the thumb, puh-lease. All it did was raise the hairs on his skin.

It did clear his mind for a moment, however, and another fun fact came to mind.

_Fun fact: chewing gum forces you to calm down._

Something about tricking the brain into making the person believe they are safe, because you can't be in danger if you're eating.

Before Seungmin could process the thought any further he froze.

With his thumb in his mouth.

His _thumb_ in his _mouth_.

He yanked his hand away and went back to staring at his fist. Somehow, he had subconsciously decided to go from blowing on the finger to putting it in his mouth to try to calm down.

Like a baby. Seungmin scoffed internally, turning to his side to face the wall for what seemed like the seventh time that night.

Wait a second.

He knew babies and toddlers calmed down by sucking things. So if it worked for them...

There was a flutter in his chest as he stuck his thumb between his lips. He gave it a tentative suck, then found his eyelids drooping and himself feeling lighter. Better. As if someone had gently rinsed all of his self-doubt away and replaced it with a blanket of calmness.

He sighed. Maybe this was the nerve stimulation he needed, or something like that. He never studied biology in that much depth.

Seungmin didn't even notice he had closed his eyes for some time as he kept sucking, and within minutes he was asleep.

When he woke up in the morning he was happy. Sure, he was still frustrated when he messed up his lyrics, and stumbled during practice, but he felt less pressured. The world seemed less intimidating and he felt good enough to take it on.

The rest of the day went by pretty great, all things considered, and as he climbed into bed he wondered if he should try 'calming down' again.

He shot that idea down at first. Minho was asleep in the other bed's lower bunk, and the lights were off, but it was too risky. The others were awake. What if they saw? Laughed? The mere thought of being caught was embarrassing.

He did it anyways, facing away from the door and bringing his blanket up to shield his mouth. From the outside no one could tell he was doing anything other than sleeping comfortably.

Perfect.

He had the epiphany a few nights into his thumb-sucking routine. Which was to say, a few weeks after that first night. He did not do it every night, would not.

The epiphany was another fun fact, this time revolving around himself.

_Fun fact: his parents had trouble weaning him off of his pacifier as a child._

That would explain why he found his, ahem, newfound method of stress relief so soothing.

He was careful to pull his hand away before he could fall asleep, more cautious than ever. He didn't want it to become a regular habit. Just something done often to help him relax. It would be easier to hide it than to explain it, because really, he was an adult and adults could find other ways of clearing their head.

He would too, but not yet. This worked wonders anyways.

"Seungminnie, aren't you hungry?"

Chan filled a bowl with ramen, then offered to fill a second one for Seungmin. He shook his head.

"I was thinking of starting a diet. I'm not that hungry anyways."

The growl of his stomach gave him away and he hung his head. Truthfully, he had been contemplating on restricting his food intake, but its roots were based on timing rather than his own weight. The less time he spent on food, the longer he could be practicing. He felt lacking in certain aspects, and even sucking his thumb couldn't make those thoughts leave forever.

"Lies. Come on, one bowl with me. We haven't sat down to eat together in a while anyways."

Chan made a neat lettuce wrap with meat and peppers and held it out for Seungmin.

The latter went to grab it and leaned in, giggling as Chan lifted his arm to feed him. He opened his mouth and let the leader pop the wrap into his mouth, then let an embarrassing squeak escape him as he was pulled into Chan's lap.

"There's your bowl," he said nonchalantly, unaware of the way Seungmin's heart fluttered.

The same way it did each time he sucked his thumb, he realized. Sitting in Chan's lap wasn't new with how clingy they all were, but Seungmin had a sort of longing to stay put. It felt nice.

He grabbed a spare pair of chopsticks and filled his bowl, before nudging Chan and opening his mouth again.

"You want another wrap? You could make one yourself, unless you want me to feed you the rest of your food," Chan joked, pinching his cheek. "Kidding. Here you go."

Seungmin took the mouthful and chewed slowly. He found that for whatever reason, he did want Chan to feed him. Maybe it was because he made his lettuce wraps so delicious, or how he grinned when he watched his members eating to their heart's content.

Maybe it was the way Seungmin felt cared for in his arms.

He swallowed that thought down with his portion of ramen, and if his ears turned red Chan didn't comment on it.

He decided not to go on a diet that week.

Seungmin's next discovery happened in an absurd way, according to himself. He was taking to treating himself like an oversized toddler, deeming self care to be more important when he was stressed.

"Maybe I'll feel better if I take a break and have a snack." It worked.

"Maybe if I take a nap I'll be less frustrated with that dance move." He got the choreography down within an hour of waking up.

"I made it through the day, time to reward myself." That one Jisung heard, since they were together washing their makeup off in the bathroom.

"With what?" Jisung asked.

Seungmin stiffened and laughed nervously. "Whoops, didn't mean to say that out loud."

Jisung shrugged. "Hey, we all talk to ourselves. I do that a lot, it motivates me to finish stuff."

He slung a towel over his shoulder and yawned. "My reward for tonight is a date with my bed and my piggie."

Seungmin watched him leave, a tiny sliver of sadness cracking somewhere inside him. "I don't even have a stuffed animal like you do."

The sadness was replaced with confusion. "I don't...I don't want a stuffed animal. Do I?"

He looked in the mirror, imagining he was speaking to a child version of himself. "What do I want right now?"

"Cuddles!"

He blurted out in a childish voice, giggling at his reflection.

"Okay, now to find someone to cuddle," he then said, in a calm, reassuring tone of voice.

He ventured out of the bathroom later and found Hyunjin on Chan's laptop.

"Stealing Chan hyung's laptop again to watch movies?" He snuggled into Hyunjin's side.

"I asked him to borrow his laptop, unlike Jeongin who claims it as his own," Hyunjin defended himself.

"Sure, and you're _secretly_ borrowing his Netflix account too," Seungmin smirked, sinking into Hyunjin further as he put an arm around his shoulders.

"I borrow everyone's everything. You know me." Hyunjin grinned. "You want to pick a movie? I'm wasting my time trying to choose."

"Something animated," Seungmin decided. Kids' movies always put him in a good mood.

"Good idea." They settled on Frozen and cuddled, leaving Seungmin with warm fuzziness in his heart.

"Seungmin, don't get left behind!"

Changbin called out to the younger, pausing for him to catch up. They were passing through a shopping mall to get to the exit, but Seungmin couldn't resist glancing at the store displays, particularly the kids' clothes in one store's window. He tore his eyes away from the part of the baby section that was visible from the entrance with a sigh.

"I wish they made kids' clothes in adult sizes," he mentioned, reaching Changbin's side. "Some of them look better than what we can find for ourselves."

Changbin snorted. "All of a sudden?"

He shrugged. "They're cute. We can't wear things like that anymore."

"Aww, our cute little Seungminnie wants to wear things from the kids' section? You want to be a kid again?" Changbin cooed, tapping his lips.

Seungmin laughed and leaned away to avoid Changbin's coos and touches. "Cut it out hyung! I wouldn't fit anyways, but you might."

Changbin burst into laughter. "Yah! I'm not that much shorter than you."

Even after the car ride home, Seungmin could not stop thinking about the kids' clothes, nor could he figure out why they fascinated him to the point where he would gaze at them on subsequent shopping trips.

"Maybe I do want to be a kid again," he admitted to himself on a long, sleepless night. To be tucked in and serenaded to sleep sounded like a dream come true, the mere idea of it bringing a smile to his lips.

"Pull yourself together Seungmin, you can fall asleep on your own like a big boy."

'I don't wanna be a big boy, I'm tired!' The voice in his head whined. He whined out loud as well, accepting whatever he was thinking; because if he couldn't be honest with himself at late o'clock then he'd never be honest about his feelings.

"I'm taking comfort in childish things a lot nowadays," he breathed, not even daring to whisper in case it disturbed the sleep of his members.

"Is dat bad?" The words were inaudible, but the nervous pang in his chest was not so soft.

He tried again, this time louder for him to hear himself and his distorted speech patterns. "Need wo'k hawd, but 'm tryin' my best. Doin' good, jus' gotta do bettew."

A silent smile tugged at his lips. His mind wandered, and sleep overcame him quickly before any of his thoughts became coherent enough to keep him awake.

He knew he had been seen a few mornings later, when he woke up with drool in the corner of his mouth. He knew, because he had instinctively pulled his hand away from his mouth after being woken up by one of the members.

He blinked. One of the members. Not his alarm. Since when had his thumb stayed in his mouth the entire night anyways? It was sore.

"You're cute." Chan's voice. The bed creaked and the door clicked shut, then Seungmin was sitting up wondering what Chan was going to do with that information.

Nothing at all, as it turned out. It was like Chan either forgot all about it, or didn't care much. Either way it left Seungmin relieved, but with a mental note to be careful.

So he stopped the habit. For the next few weeks he made no conscious effort to stick his thumb in his mouth, and if he so much as thought about it, his hands would grab onto something far away from his mouth. His thigh, the sheets, his other hand.

It didn't matter if Seungmin was left with minimal sleep night after night for weeks, or if he was getting more stressed out as every day brought him closer to an impending comeback.

He refused to partake in his childish wants.

Until he did.

Two nights before their comeback he was restless, unable to sit still and be satisfied with his efforts. Felix and Changbin had dragged him back home from the practice room with gentle orders to sleep.

It did nothing to calm him down, every thought buzzing, his fingers itching to do something. Be useful. Be productive. Not be a failure and bring down the team.

It took him a while to realize that he had been sucking his thumb and kicking his feet off the edge of the bed for some time. With the door open.

The actions kept his breathing even, but he needed more comfort, more reassurance, more time to relax so he could fall asleep at a decent time. He needed, he needed, he needed-

He took a shower and brushed his teeth to feel clean, then dressed himself in baggy shorts, a large shirt, and fuzzy socks. He was acting without thinking as he sat on the floor in front of the mirror in his room. With a hairtie.

He tied his hair into a tiny ponytail and headed into the living room, thankful that it was empty. He didn't question what he was doing because deep down he knew. He knew what he needed.

He needed to let loose.

"The floor's lava," he whispered, crawling onto a chair. He tiptoed over to the next one, holding his arms out when he needed to regain his balance. He jumped to the sofa and giggled, finding the seat bouncy. After a few minutes of bouncing he stopped, wanting to get up and toddle around on the carpet.

He planted his feet on the ground, about to stand up when he heard footsteps.

Footsteps growing louder.

He didn't know if he could explain what he was doing, he barely understood it himself. What he did know was he had five seconds before he would be discovered.

He yanked off the hairband, tossed it aside and lay down on the sofa.

He didn't open his eyes until he heard the water filter running. He took a peek and shut his eyes again. Jeongin was filling a cup with water.

He heard more padded footsteps and did his best to feign sleep, letting nothing show on his face when the maknae's footsteps stopped beside him.

"Did you fall asleep on the sofa? It's chilly tonight."

He heard Jeongin leave and let out a breath of relief. He would just fall asleep on the sofa and pretend everything was normal and-and now there was a soft weight on his body.

A blanket. He recognized it to be his blanket. The one on his bed.

Jeongin had taken the blanket from his bed and was spreading it out over him.

"There you go."

Seungmin could hear the smile in his words and felt the edge of his blanket brush against his chin.

Jeongin knew he liked pulling it all the way up to cover his neck.

The flutter in his heart returned.

"Night hyung. You need more rest than you get."

He sensed something near his forehead, felt a gust of air. The sensation lingered for a few moments. Whatever it was moved away before it could touch him.

Then Jeongin really was gone.

It should have been easy to fall asleep from there. Except Seungmin couldn't make the flutter go away this time, couldn't stop thinking about how the maknae had tucked him in.

 _Tucked_ him _in_.

He recognized the feeling at his forehead. It tickled, the same way as when Jisung blew on him to make him turn away, or when Hyunjin rested his chin on his head and laughed.

Jeongin had exhaled onto his forehead. That was certain. In that position there was only one conclusion he could jump to, one explanation for why he had been so close, why that moment had felt so tense.

The maknae had leaned in to kiss him goodnight.

Weeks later, after the comeback promotions were over, he had the opportunity to look for answers. Not a day went by where he didn't think of the morning after that night. He had been in higher spirits and immensely more confident in his abilities.

"Time for a short break."

He hardly noticed he had said it in his babyish voice as he set up Felix's laptop. What tipped him off was the quizzical look Minho shot him. "Are you trying to be cute?"

Seungmin ignored him, not out of disrespect but because the answer didn't matter. The older turned back to his phone and Seungmin chewed on his lip, idly browsing online stores while waiting.

Until Minho finally stood up and left.

He sighed. The shopping had been an excuse (although, he had found a nice sweater on sale and added it to his cart, so it wasn't a total lie) to cover up his true motives.

The real reason he had borrowed Felix's laptop was to do more research on his growing wants. He knew it was unusual to be so interested in childish habits and items.

He typed in as many variations of the same sentence as he could, scrolled past random inspirational pages and scientific websites he knew were unhelpful, and finally, finally, found something that explained everything.

_Age regression occurs when someone reverts to a younger state of mind._

Age regression.

He went through article after article on the topic, gathering as much information as he could. Littles, caregivers, middles, age dreaming, age ranges, pure and impure regression, gear, reasons for being a regressor. It all made sense in his head. Every last word.

He ignored the more questionable communities on the internet and delved into what he related to the most.

"Seungmin, can I have my laptop back?" Felix entered the room and smiled sheepishly.

Seungmin glanced at him, then back at the screen to assess the situation. It had been hours since he began his research. He had two tabs open, both of which he had finished reading.

"Sorry," the Aussie continued, walking towards him. "I just wanted to play a game before going to bed."

Seungmin closed the browser and grinned. "Here you go. See you in the morning."

He left to take his phone off charge, grabbing it tightly when he realized he had forgotten to do something extremely important.

Clear the browser history.

He groaned into his pillow. "It's fine, it's okay, no one checks their search history that often anyways. Relax, Minnie, relax."

Of course, all of that came out as a muffled hum since he still had his lips pressed into his pillow. He huffed again, then turned over to suck his thumb to sleep.

A few hours later when Felix was gaming at the crack of dawn, he pulled up his search history. He had accidentally closed a tab he needed open and went to his history to retrieve it, only to find many, many articles on a topic unfamiliar to him.

He abandoned his game to skim through a few of the websites, purely for educational purposes, then sighed. It was none of his business what Seungmin had been looking at. As long as it wasn't anything unhealthy, it wasn't his concern.

It took another tiring day for Seungmin to realize how deep he had fallen into the coping mechanism.

The day had gone from okay to a memory he wanted to delete. His voice wasn't at its best and no amount of rerecording or practicing his lines had helped. It only snowballed from there, until he was left with a sore throat from too many high notes gone wrong, combined with aching legs from tripping over himself during dance practice.

He was almost certain he had bruises from kicking himself and repeatedly landing on his knees too hard, but he didn't have the energy to undress himself to check.

In fact, he was on the verge of a breakdown simply because he was unable to unscrew the toothpaste cap. That was how tired he felt.

Unscrewing the cap shouldn't have been this hard. Brushing his teeth felt like a chore. Walking to his room seemed to take minutes instead of seconds.

He wanted to be taken care of. He wanted people to do things for him, to let him sit tight in a blanket cocoon and be free of any and all tasks for a while. He wanted, he wanted, he wanted-

He wanted to properly regress. The word made his stomach twist. He couldn't. Not when the others were home. Not when someone was in his bed - wait, who was in his bed?

A mop of hair, puffy cheeks that resembled a squirrel's, an oversized hoodie. Jisung.

"Hannie, what are you doing up here?" Seungmin climbed the ladder with his remaining strength and settled into his usual sleeping position, wanting nothing more than his thu-

No. Not now. Not when eyes that were not his own could see him. He felt guilty, even though he knew he was doing no wrong, no harm.

"I'm tired." Jisung turned to him and grinned.

That left Seungmin's question unanswered. Jisung had his own bed to sleep in. This wasn't even his room.

Jisung wrapped his arms around him and snuggled close, pressing himself to his back. "I know you're tired too."

Oh.

Jisung was comforting him.

Seungmin grabbed an edge of his blanket and bundled it up to hold in his arms. It helped. So did Jisung's embrace. The other didn't know it, but Seungmin was dipping into the fuzzy corners of his mind.

He fell asleep before he could sort out his feelings, thoughts of low self-esteem and age regression, safety and worry blending into each other.

Jisung continued to cling to him when he woke up, dazed and confused. Maybe pushing his regression (!) wants away was a bad idea. He understood that the gross, tired feelings inside remained solely because he had bottled them up instead of releasing them.

He let the fuzziness from sleep take over again, letting himself slip into a comfortable headspace where he no longer felt icky or useless. He hummed, then froze and shot up as he felt himself relax a little too much.

He had almost lost control of his bladder.

Jisung stirred beside him, but was otherwise asleep.

Seungmin breathed quietly, the sickening knot in his stomach returning as he pulled his hands away from between his legs to wipe a spot of drool from his mouth.

Just how young could he possibly go?

The others noticed the change in his behaviour within days. He seemed stressed, but relaxed at times when he toyed with his sleeve paws or kicked his socked feet absentmindedly. He was more reserved towards them, glancing away as soon as they made eye contact and speaking only when necessary. He zoned out more often and chewed his lips raw, Jeongin pointed out to Chan one day. Felix wondered if something had happened. Changbin saw him drinking with straws in his cup more often than not. Hyunjin and Jisung wanted to ask him what was wrong, but all they got out of him was "nothing". Minho watched him closely, realizing that he was only truly tense around them and not when he was alone.

What they didn't know was he was fighting an internal battle. Was he allowed to give in to his wants? Was he asking for too much when he wanted to be taken care of, when the others were probably busy with their own lives?

He managed to get through work just fine, despite his thoughts running like a broken record.  
  
_Fun fact: you're a little- fun fact you're a little- you're a little- you're a little- you're a little-_  
  
_You're a little and can potentially be too little so shut it down now shut it down shut it down._

One day he couldn't take it anymore. He had spent an hour on bed, his teeth clamped around his fingers as tears spilled from his eyes. He needed to regress completely, to relax, to get the stress out of his system. He was scared of what would happen if he didn't relieve it.

Maybe involuntary regression.

The idea of being found out was overwhelming, so much in fact that Seungmin felt sick. Which was why he told Chan he was unwell and had to stay home.

"Are you sure you'll be fine all alone?" Chan asked gently, kindly, in the parental way he treated all of the members.

It made Seungmin was to slip into headspace right there and then. The only thing keeping him from doing was the feeling in the pit of his stomach, the one that stemmed from the nervous heart flutters and was loudly present when he wasn't alone.

Fear.

Not because he could be found out, no, it went deeper than that. He was afraid of the reactions. His members' thoughts. Assumptions. It made him scared to the point of nausea, not knowing if they would accept his childish side, or if they would treat him like a child instead of an adult because of it.

He nodded silently and forced a smile, dropping it immediately when the members were out of the dorm.

Finally. He would do it. He had to.

One day of full headspace and then he could decide if he wanted to shove it away forever, or not.

He pulled up a cartoon meant for toddlers and propped his phone up on the floor. Then he spread a towel out, snuck around the dorm and came back with his arms full.

Next he sat on the floor, wiggling his socked feet as he unceremoniously dumped everything in front of him.

A few pieces of paper. Some coloured pencils. Felix's giant stuffed bear.

He made a happy noise as he hugged the bear and swayed his knees, giggling at his attire. A hoodie, shorts and socks made him feel small, and the tuft of hair poking out of the side of his head was a fun addition. He tightened his ponytail before sighing.

His thumb gravitated to his mouth as he reached for the pencils. He drew scribbles and lines and whatever he wanted to as the cartoon played, his thumb slipping in between his lips somewhere along the line.

For the first time in a while, he felt completely relaxed. Without a care in the world.

He got so immersed in his bubble of comfort that he didn't notice the door opening. Or the jingle of the keys being placed near the front door.

"I'm gonna get some water, bearie," Seungmin said in his baby voice. He paused his cartoon and stood up, steadying himself with the stuffed animal in his arms. He stuck his thumb back into his mouth.

"Wan'a come with...me?"

There was a familiar face in the doorway.

Seungmin blinked.

If it had been someone who slept in the other rooms then this would have been avoided. But it was one of his roommates.

If it had been Chan it would have been easy.

If it had been Hyunjin it would have been fun, maybe sweet.

It was Minho.

And Seungmin, for the life of him, could not read his expression.

All the fear crashed back into him. He hugged his knees to his chest on the floor and squeezed his eyes shut.

"Seungminnie? You feeling better?"

_No no no no no I feel worse now-_

"Can you open your eyes for me?"

_Stop stop stop stop stop being soft and nice to me-_

"I didn't mean to bother you, what's wrong? Can you tell hyung?"

_I can't be big right now I can't I can't-_

"I'm scared," Seungmin choked out, unsure which headspace he was in. He was too busy trying not to slip further. "I could explain everything, everything I haven't told anyone, but I'm so scared hyung. I don't know what you'll think, what you're thinking right now."

He heard a hum and some shuffling.

"Well right now I'm thinking huh, why is Seungmin on the floor on a towel when a blanket would be more comfortable?"

"Blankie would get dirty," Seungmin mumbled into his arms.

"Hm?" A new voice. He looked up to see Chan sitting on the nearest bed, facing him. Minho sat in front of him, smiling with a raised eyebrow.

"Blankie...would get dirty," he repeated.

Chan cooed before joining them on the floor. "Lee Know and I came back because we didn't want to leave you alone. You said you were feeling sick, but we've been a little worried about you. We just wanted to check on you to make sure you're okay."

Seungmin reached for the large bear stuffie and hid behind it, feeling like a child about to get scolded by their parents.

"Can I get some water?" He asked.

He heard some quiet mouthing.

"I'll get you some," said Minho, leaving the room.

A few moments later Seungmin felt Chan's hand on his shoulder. Still fearful, he pressed his cheek into the bear, refusing to look at him.

"I won't put you on the spot. You don't have to explain yourself or any of this if you're not ready." Chan sighed. "I think it's fair for you to know that Felix came to me last night, and we were talking. Everyone was talking, really, because we had seen you being distant lately, but Felix told me he found out about something and thought it could be related. Then I connected it with that sleeping habit you have."

Seungmin inhaled sharply.

"No one else knows anything, and we haven't assumed anything, but just know you don't have to be scared. You're not doing anything that hurts you or anyone else, right?"

He exhaled, and nodded.

Chan lightly ran his thumb back and forth, the motion providing him with a bit more comfort and strength.

"I'll tell you," Seungmin declared once Minho had returned and he had taken a few sips of water. "I'm scared, and I'm sick of being scared, so I'm gonna tell you."

He began to explain from the top. From his thumb-sucking to the revelation on Felix's laptop to him never actually regressing because he never had the courage to do so until it had started to affect him when he cut it out of his routine.

Telling them was more difficult than any speech he ever had to give because this wasn't rehearsed, it wasn't even planned. He spoke every sentence not knowing if he could finish them, the words harder and harder to say the further he progressed. When he was done telling the oldest members about age regression, detailing everything he knew, he was left more drained than he would be after performing a concert setlist. Twice.

The hyungs listened patiently, asking questions when they needed to clarify something.

"It's something I do on my own terms for comfort and to get rid of stress, so don't baby me out of nowhere or expect me to do it. I'm still me. This is another side of me. Nothing more. I'll reg- I'll do it when I need or want to, and if I repress it or can't do it on my own...maybe someone could talk me down or help me into headspace?"

He felt Chan nod into his hair.

"Seungmin," Minho blinked a few times, thinking deeply. "Would you like us to be your caregivers?"

Seungmin stiffened. The question caught him so off-guard that Chan had to remind him to breathe.

"I don't know?" The tears came out of nowhere. "You guys don't even have to see it if it makes anyone uncomfortable. I could... do my thing behind a locked door. Hypothetically, if everyone's okay with it, you all can take care of me. Be my caregivers."

He held up a finger as he wiped his tears using his sleeve, indicating that he had more to say.

"I can't pick a _main_ caregiver yet, I'd need to make that connection with someone when I'm... small. Regression isn't always cute and sweet, babbling, running around and playing with toys. At its core it happens because something is wrong and my brain wants to take a break. It can be ugly crying and tantrums among other things, and although that hasn't happened yet, I'd rather have a caregiver who's okay with all that."

Minho smiled. "I can respect that. That's perfectly fine, thank you."

"How often have you done it?" Chan asked, pulling Seungmin into his lap. He rubbed his back and handed him a tissue.

"Never."

"Seungmin..."

"I've never let myself spend time in full headspace. Today was going to be the first day. If you wanna know how often I feel like doing it...maybe every few days? Every week? I haven't figured it out yet."

Chan kissed his head. "That's alright. Do you have anything that helps you feel this way?"

He shook his head and let out a broken sob. "I don't. I don't want much either, because I'm pretty happy anyways, but..."

Minho shushed him and patted his hand. "You're allowed to get things you want."

"Anything? For any age?" Seungmin whimpered. "I don't know how old or young I can go, it's different at different times for me."

"Yes, Chan confirmed.

Seungmin took a deep breath when he stopped crying, going slack in Chan's arms. "Tired. Bed please."

Chan smiled and carried him to Minho's bed, since it was easier to lay him down in one of the lower bunks. "Would you like for the others to know?"

Seungmin hummed in agreement. "Tell them for me? Tired."

"Do we tell them you faked being sick for this?" Minho joked, dropping his amused expression when Seungmin whined in protest.

"I told the truth. Felt so guilty and afraid that I felt sick. Tummy hurt."

"That's not good. Don't make yourself sick over anything, okay? Especially if it can be solved with a little vulnerability. Everyone in our group will be supportive of you no matter what. How could we not? We love you too much," Chan reassured him.

Picking up Felix's stuffed bear, Minho grinned, and gave it to Seungmin. "Get some rest, all that talking took a lot out of you."

"Love you too." Seungmin closed his eyes. The fear, the guilt, the sickening knot in him was gone.

He didn't end up falling asleep, it was too early in the day for a nap. So he waited the half hour it took for the others to return (briefly, Chan had made arrangememts for a break in their schedule), and listened from afar as Chan and Minho told them what he had said, except in a neater way. Like they had taken his impromptu speech and tied a ribbon around it.

The members received the news positively. Some of them took to their phones to look it up, some thought of ways to help Seungmin feel smaller, Felix even offered to go to the store to buy him things.

Seungmin smiled, tiptoeing back to his room. He was accepted. Supported. Loved. Age regression and all.

"I love you, all of you," he whispered. "Thank you."


	2. after

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seungmin gets more comfortable with regressing on his own, and around the others.

No matter how accepting everyone was, Seungmin needed time to accept that everything was out in the open.

Much more time.

"Can I come in?"

He shook his head, then realized whoever it was couldn't see him from the other side of the locked door.

"No!" He shouted, then sighed into the blanket in his crossed arms. He rested his cheek on the fabric, continuing to watch the cartoon on his phone.

Days like this were chances for him to explore his headspace further. He found he liked colouring, and only certain cartoons from his childhood appealed to him. Soft toys and blankets seemed to help when he was stressed, so he added those to the growing mental list of headspace likes.

Dressing to regress felt nice on overwhelming days. Anything loose and comfortable was perfect, although he wondered if he should buy anything in particular for such times. Onesies would be a good addition to his closet.

There were three knocks at the door. He sighed again, this time pausing his cartoon and leaving the safety of his bed.

He took small steps to the door and sat down, his thumb poking into his lips as he eyed the folded piece of paper in front of him.

Someone - he didn't know who had started it - decided that passing notes would make it easier for all of them to communicate with Seungmin when he was in headspace, particularly because he had yet to use his headspace voice in front of them. He wasn't ready to be around them yet and they understood that.

With his free hand he unfolded the paper and chuckled at the black scrawl on it. Definitely Chan.

_How is our Minnie today?_

He grabbed his own pen and wrote out an answer before slipping the note under the door.

_Ran out of apple juice :(_

A few seconds later he received a reply.

_Want some more hun?_

_Yes please!_

_Such good manners! Our little Seungminnie is so kind!_

_Thank you!_

While he waited he took the full note and put it in a box with all of the others he had collected over time. Conversations with every member, judging from the handwriting on each individual note. They varied from simple greetings to questions on his wants and needs.

The sound of the door closing signalled that his juice had arrived, and so he put the box away.

"Here you go."

Taking the small bottle into his lap, he knocked three times and waited.

A sheet of blank paper slid under the door.

Instead of splitting it into smaller pieces, he wrote out a question and doodled on it for a while until he was satisfied. Once he had slid it back he took a sip of his juice.

"Bye," he mouthed, knowing that Chan would leave to gather answers from all of the members.

Hours later, just as he was climbing into bed, Hyunjin handed him the note with a smile, and the words "Get some rest now."

Seungmin fiddled with the paper for some time. He was nervous to see any of the answers, but he would get zero sleep if he left it unopened.

He took a breath and unfolded it, first scanning his own writing.

_What caregiver names would you guys like to be called if you were my main caregiver? It doesn't have to be something like appa or daddy, it could be a cute nickname, a variant of your name, animals or objects._

Underneath there were eight paragraphs. One for each member, plus one question for Seungmin. He read through their choices. Most of the members were fine with anything, some of them liked their name, and Minho even stated that feminine-sounding pet names were on the table for him. Jeongin didn't want to be called hyung, Felix disliked daddy, Hyunjin would rather avoid parental names, but other than that everything could be considered.

Seungmin smiled widely and moved on to the question for him, in Hyunjin's neat handwriting.

_Your preferred nicknames as a little?"_

He had no objections to any nickname. They all made him feel small, but he wanted to narrow down his choices.

In the morning, following a few failed attempts to rouse his bed-mate, he wrote in the little remaining space on the sheet, folded it up and tossed it onto Hyunjin's face.

"Wake up, dummy. We have to leave soon."

He left before Hyunjin could read and react to his final answer.

_Seungmin, Minnie, and pup, since everyone calls me that anyways. But in all honesty, anything works :)_

It took a few more weeks of regressing behind locked doors for Seungmin to welcome the company of the others.

He went to the living room where everyone was gathered for a movie night, and sat down between Felix and Jisung. What was weighing on his mind must have shown on his face, because the next thing he knew Changbin was asking him if he was okay.

"Yeah, hyung, I have something to say is all."

"We're listening." Chan smiled, and all heads turned towards Seungmin.

Seungmin's eyes stayed glued to the TV and his fingers hooked into the hem of his shirt.

"I'm going to stop locking the door when I'm regressed, so if anyone wants to come in," he shrugged, his hands balling into fists around his shirt. "I can't promise I'll talk or anything, but I wouldn't hate having someone with me."

"Cool," Hyunjin said. They smiled, and turned to the movie that was beginning to play.

Seungmin stopped clutching the edge of his shirt much later, when Jeongin tapped his knee and discreetly handed him a note. He shook his head when Seungmin went to open it, then abruptly broke eye contact.

It wasn't until the movie was over that Seungmin was able to slip away and read the message privately.

_I'm proud of you, hyung._

It went in the pile of his favourite notes.

Not much changed in the days following Seungmin's announcement. His roommates would drop in to grab something they had forgotten and would be gone as fast as they had come in. Sometimes one of the members would enter, smile, coo at him for a bit and leave.

Then, weeks later, they started sticking around.

It was different depending on which member stayed with him when he was little. After a couple of instances with each member, Seungmin had a good idea of how they would treat him.

Chan was seldom at the dorm, but whenever his break overlapped with Seungmin's regression he made sure to check up on him. He was good at making the Seungmin-shaped bundle on the bed laugh, and would wordlessly colour or watch cartoons with him.

Minho was slightly awkward around Seungmin, more a result of their cat and mouse dynamic rather than actual discomfort at seeing Seungmin in headspace. Seungmin found that he was quite warm and caring for someone who grew up as an only child, always speaking in soothing, sweet tones and asking simple questions to make sure he wasn't overstepping.

Changbin liked to tease Seungmin by calling him cute and poking him, and often tried to get him to talk while in headspace, but to no avail. He would later complain to the others when he returned without hearing a word from the regressor.

"Tough luck, Binnie, but none of us have heard his headspace voice yet. We know very well he'll talk when he's ready. Not before that," Minho reminded him.

Jisung was fun and sweet around him, never minding the fact that Seungmin stayed silent around him. He did the talking for him, making exaggerated comments on drawings or cartoons to bring a smile to the little's face. Seungmin was never bored around him.

To little Seungmin, Hyunjin and Felix were the cuddlebugs in the group, always squishing him wherever he was seated and reassuring him through touch. Their hugs were comforting, and Seungmin could simply stay pressed against them to relax.

After a cuddle session with Felix one night he found a note on the floor.

_Just curious, would you be open to wearing pull-ups or diapers?_

Flustered, Seungmin scribbled on the sheet and stuffed it through the crack of the door, crumpling it slightly in his haste.

_Dunno, I've never been that young._

It took a while for his cheeks to cool down. As the embarrassment disappeared, he wondered if he should try being younger one day, to see if he would like it.

He would, he told himself, when being around the others in headspace became more natural.

Unlike the other members, who tried to spend as much time with little Seungmin as possible to help expand his comfort zone, Jeongin didn't immediately coo and crowd around him when he was feeling younger.

Instead, the maknae sat nearby and kept an eye on him, leaving him otherwise undisturbed. Sometimes, Jeongin silently brought him juice boxes or milk bottles along with a snack, and they would share.

Seungmin's favourite activity had to be when Jeongin sat beside him, scrolling on his phone until he found pictures of kids' clothing or toys to show him.

It made Seungmin happy to be treated that way by the maknae. He knew he was independent in his headspace, usually settling in an older age range when he regressed, and by not treating him like an incompetent toddler that needed supervision at all times, Jeongin was validating that side of him.

It made him believe his regression was anything but a burden.

Still, none of the members could make him leave his blanket or bed when they were in the room, because they needed to forge that connection of trust first.

Jeongin was the first one to make that progress.

One cloudy afternoon, he came home with a soft blue blanket covered in stars.

"Here's a little present for our little pup."

Seungmin gasped and, to Jeongin's surprise, ran across the room to him, looking up at him with sparkling eyes. He hesitated to touch the cloth.

Jeongin nodded and ruffled his hair. "Go on, take it. It's very soft."

He gently handed it over and watched as Seungmin buried his face in it, whined, and scurried to his bed. By the time the little was done covering himself entirely with the blanket, Jeongin was smiling so hard that his cheeks started to hurt.

"You're adorable, Minnie. Did you slip?"

The maknae heard a hum and cooed.

"I'll be right back."

He retrieved a bottle of water from the kitchen and slid it under the blanket to Seungmin. "I'm going to the gym, okay?"

As he stood up he felt a tug on his sleeve.

Seungmin lifted his head, part of the blanket forming a large hood that shielded his face.

"Okay. Thank you Innie."

He let go of Jeongin and curled into himself again out of shyness.

"What a sweet voice, Minnie."

The little giggled. "Don't get hurt."

Jeongin hummed on his way out. When Seungmin glanced up again a few moments later, he was gone.

"Hey Seungmin," Jisung began. "You want to ride home together?"

"Sure."

It had been a few days since Seungmin had last regressed. He knew he wouldn't need to slip into headspace anytime soon, but the contents in his bag from his morning shopping made him want to do so.

"Why are you holding onto your bag for dear life? You won't lose it in the car." Jisung's voice pulled him out of his thoughts.

"Right. I, uh."

Seungmin's mind went blank from nervousness. Except instead of trying to hide his feelings, he decided to be honest about them.

"Look." He unzipped his bag and held it open for Jisung to see its contents.

"Is that a-"

"Shh! Yes, it is." Seungmin blushed and closed his bag, hugging it to his chest.

Jisung chuckled. "Test it out. It has no handles and it's on the cheaper side, but if it works for you that's all that matters."

Seungmin sighed. "I'm not a baby."

"We know. You're still our little one though."

Back at the dorm, Seungmin unpacked his belogings and brought out what he had shown Jisung. A simple sippy cup.

He filled it with water and tried using it, dipping into headspace just long enough to satisfy that desire. It worked well for a cheap plastic cup with a sippy lid on it.

It made him happy.

The next time Seungmin properly regressed, it was an exhausting day, in which he hadn't run into any of his members and had barely any breaks in his schedule. He was stressed at not having done his best during practice, and had to deal with additional scolding from a new teacher that had tried to push him past his limits.

He longed to be carried back home and given a bath, but he wasn't at that stage with any of his members yet. The most he could ask for was being tucked in, but no one would be home for some time. He sighed, and locked up the studio he had been practicing in.

The nearest washrooms were being cleaned, and he wanted to get home as soon as he could, wanting nothing more than to relax. In his haste he decided not to take a detour to the washrooms on another floor. He could wait until he was home.

Thoughts of snuggling his blanket and drinking from his sippy cup kept him distracted throughout the ride to the dorm. When he got out of the car and stood up, he remembered he needed a bathroom break, and soon.

He headed to their dorm and took his time to make sure it was locked behind him. No longer needing to mask his tiredness, he slowly made his way to his room, tossed his bag aside and grabbed some clothes so he could take a bath. He was already slipping into headspace as he walked to the one bathroom with the bathtub, and let out a breath once the door was closed behind him.

A sudden pang in his lower abdomen reminded him of his need to go, but his mind was getting too fuzzy for him to act immediately. He stared at the bathtub in a daze for a few moments, then felt something warm trickling down his thigh.

He froze, shifting his clean outfit to the counter as he pressed his thighs together. His hand shot out between them and he whimpered.

Oh no.

As soon as he had regained control of his muscles, he shuffled to the toilet and peeled his clothes off, gasping at the wet patch on them. He scanned the tiles and relaxed slightly when he saw no puddles that had to be cleaned.

He didn't let himself think until after he had finished his business, tossed his clothes into the washing machine, turned it on, and stepped into the shower.

He had just had an accident.

His entire face burned against the cool water raining down on him. He scrubbed himself thoroughly, then plugged the bathtub and filled it with bubbles.

"What would the hyungies think?" He mumbled, sinking into the warm water. "Would they make fun of me when I'm big? No, they're nice to me. They wouldn't. They'd take care of me."

He giggled, pushing bubbles between his hands as he spoke in his headspace voice. "I want my blankie."

He finished his bath and drained the tub, dressing himself quickly so he could curl up in bed with the starry blanket Jeongin had given him.

He was sucking his thumb in bed a couple of minutes later when Jeongin opened the door to his room.

"Minnie? How long have you been here?" The younger asked, glancing between him and the unopened bag on the floor.

"Not long. Jus' had baf." Seungmin shrugged, hugging his blanket closer.

Jeongin nodded. "I'm going to wash up. Here, I thought of this earlier since I was looking things up."

He handed Seungmin a slip of paper and smiled.

As he left, Seungmin unfolded the note.

_Are you always happy when you're small, to feel better? Or do you have sad days too?_

Seungmin held onto the note and made a sad noise. "What a co-coin-ci-dence," he mumbled, finding it hard to sound out larger words.

Jeongin returned and climbed up to his bunk, placing a hand on his back. "You want a pen?"

Seungmin shook his head. "I had a bad day."

Jeongin hummed, running his fingers through Seungmin's damp hair. He left to retrieve a towel, moving closer to Seungmin's head afterwards to help him dry it.

"Want to talk about it?"

The little shook his head again. "Sorry, I'm no fun today."

"Minnie," Jeongin stated. "You don't have to be fun. You feel bad."

There was a lump by Seungmin's legs and he reached under his blanket, finding his socks. With the hand not holding the paper, he balled them up and threw them at the wall one by one, groaning in frustration. The day was not going in his favour at all.

He even forgot to fill his sippy cup, which was perched in the corner of his bed.

He kicked his feet and buried his face in his pillow, whining into it to muffle his sounds. He whined louder as his throat began to hurt, and tears pricked his eyes.

Two arms wrapped around him and pulled him upright, and soon he was in Jeongin's lap.

"It's okay sweetie, you have feelings. Let them out," Jeongin soothed him, rubbing his back.

Seungmin's lower lip quivered. He let a few tears fall silently and wiped his eyes with his sleeve. The maknae's presence, his soft touch and murmured reassurances made him more emotional, slightly overwhelmed by the sudden care. He let himself go pliant in his arms and cried into his chest, pulling away with a small sniff and blotchy red eyes.

"I guess that answers my question," Jeongin said, wiping his cheeks.

"Sometimes," Seungmin croaked, clearing his throat, "I feel bad when I'm little. I wanna cry or hug a stuffie all day, or throw a tantrum, 'cause that's all I know to do to feel good later. I know it helps lots, but I dun do it 'cause no one would wanna see it."

Jeongin handed him a tissue. "Listen very closely to what I'm gonna say, okay?"

The little nodded.

"What you do, when you go little, it's a coping mechanism, right? You're not doing it to show others you can be cute and childish because it goes so much deeper than that. If you feel like crying, screaming, hugging something all day, hitting a pillow, then do it. Do whatever you need to as long as it's not hurting anyone, because at the end of the day this is about making you feel better."

Seungmin thought about it. "You sure?"

Jeongin nodded. "Maybe avoid throwing too much of a tantrum, though," he added as an afterthought, "It might get tiring for everyone involved.

Seungmin smiled and sighed happily into him, curling a fist in his shirt. "Is this okay?" He asked, sticking his thumb in his mouth.

Jeongin hummed.

"Do you still feel icky inside?" He chuckled as Seungmin shook his head in a cute manner. "Good. Whenever you feel down you can always come to one of us."

They sat like that for a few minutes before Seungmin moved to the corner of his bed and hid his face, gingerly holding out his sippy cup. "Can you please gimme milk?"

Jeongin smiled and patted his head. "Coming right up, baby."

Seungmin tugged on his sleeve to keep him from leaving right away.

"Innie?" He asked in a timid voice. "If-if I ever had a, uh, a potty ac-accident, would everyone be nice 'bout it?"

His hair was getting messed up again, but he didn't care as Jeongin ran his fingers through his locks. "No one would tease you, Minnie. If anyone does I'll scold them."

He made an intimidating face and raised a fist, dropping the act when Seungmin giggled.

"Okie."

When he returned with the full sippy cup of milk, he cooed. Seungmin was on the floor, colouring on a blank sheet of paper with some crayons. He glanced at Jeongin when he sat down beside him. "Thankies. Wanna colour with me?"

Jeongin grinned. "I would love to."

He didn't know how much Seungmin had warmed up to him until a few days later.

"Why doesn't he talk to me?" Changbin complained as usual after spending half an hour with a regressed Seungmin.

Hyunjin joined in with similar complaints, and Jisung shushed them, telling them to wait for Seungmin to feel more relaxed.

Jeongin drew his eyebrows together in confusion. "You guys still haven't heard his little voice?"

All heads turned to him.

" _Still_?" Felix asked incredulously. "You mean you _have_?"

The maknae nodded, grinning. "Yeah it's been months, and now we even play together. Yesterday I chased him around the room pretending I would eat him up and he let out the cutest squeal when I caught him! Then we watched cartoons, and hyungs believe me, when he's excited he'll talk your ear off. I love it when he looks so happy like that."

He stopped rambling and laughed at the others' expressions.

"How?" Hyunjin shrieked. "I can barely make him leave his blanket nest."

Jisung clapped and pointed at him. "Exactly!"

Chan shared a glance with Minho and chuckled. "Hey, Innie's not the only one. He's vocal with me and Lee Know too, but he's pretty shy when it comes to playing."

Jeongin wasn't one to brag about how quickly Seungmin had let him in, but he allowed himself to feel a little special.

After many, many days of coaxing him out of the room and inviting the other members one at a time into the room, Jeongin managed to get Seungmin to roam around the dorm freely in headspace. He began chattering and playing with everyone equally, unashamed of his feelings. More often than not a couple of members would be found playing tag or hide and seek with him.

They started buying him things too. Colouring books, storybooks, board games, stickers, small toys, Seungmin slowly built up a collection. He claimed a handful of them, and they had a designated spot in his closet. Everything else was to share with everyone, placed separately from his personal stash.

Jeongin and Chan decided to get him a custom pacifier after seeing how much he loved his stuffed dog, and Minho decided to buy him more babyish items just in case.

The final note Seungmin received was from Changbin, before everyone decided they could have the conversations out loud.

_What makes you feel safe?_

Seungmin answered it after getting Chan to put him down for a nap.

_When I'm in someone's arms, or wrapped in my blanket, or when I'm hugging something. Oh, and probably being rocked and serenaded!_

He smiled when he got the note back and shoved it into his box before looking for Jeongin.

"Inne's at work right now," Felix told him while giving him a hug, "You look for him a lot these days."

Seungmin hummed. "What about Channie hyung or Lee Know hyung?"

Felix smiled. "They're in the kitchen. Wanna watch them make dinner?"

Seungmin nodded and walked with him, hand-in-hand.

It was true that he was particularly fond of Jeongin. The maknae brought a sense of comfort and safety he couldn't quite put a name to. Chan and Minho were a close second, the both of them having a special place in his heart since they had discovered his little side first.

"Hyungs!" Seungmin ran up to Chan when he had nothing dangerous in his hands, giggling as the leader picked him up.

"Minnie baby, did you miss me that much?"

Minho snorted as Seungmin shook his head.

"I miss Innie so I came here!" He said brightly, tilting his head in confusion as Minho and Felix doubled over in laughter while Chan looked defeated. The little then joined in with soft giggles of his own for fun.

"Aigo, what am I going to do with you." Chan poked his cheek with his nose. He giggled again.

And then, when all seemed to be going smoothly, it all went downhill on one fine sunny day.


	3. two steps backwards and an inch forward

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The others forget that Seungmin might need more care and reassurance than he lets on.
> 
> But hey, at least he figures out who he wants as a main caregiver.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I said I'd update soon, but I got stuck on how to proceed with this chapter and ended up rearranging it a smidge. Apologies for the wait!

Jeongin entered the dorm and closed the door behind him, freezing as he heard someone yelling. 

"-and how would Jeongin react if he found out? You think he'd be happy? What about Chan hyung?" 

Then it was silent. 

Jeongin was confused and slightly fearful at those words. He quietly took off his shoes. 

The air was tense as he crept further inside to find half of the members in the living room, with Minho giving them a disappointed look. 

Jeongin wondered why he was out of bed. The older had been sick when he had left for work with Chan in the morning. 

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Seungmin hiding behind one of the chairs, out of their sight. He looked up and clasped a hand to his mouth when he realized Jeongin was there, and had seen him. 

"What's going on?" The maknae asked, only to be met with lowered heads and shifty eyes. 

Minho opened his mouth to speak, but Seungmin chose that moment to reveal himself, slipping out of his hiding place. 

"You don't have to see me like that anymore, I just...won't leave my room. I'm sorry to have bothered everyone." 

"Seungminnie-" 

Minho began, defeatedly watching Seungmin run past Jeongin to his room. Sighing, he turned back to the others and pinched the bridge of his nose before laying down on the sofa. "I shouldn't be using up all my energy scolding you guys." 

Jeongin looked back the way Seungmin had gone and slowly walked over, suddenly feeling very protective over him without even knowing what had gone down. Something had to have happened for him to say that to everyone. 

"Minnie my sweet pup, can I come in? Alone?" Jeongin sat outside the closed door. "I won't stay if you don't want me to, I'll just get you whatever you need. A snack, some water, tissues, I want my little one to be okay." 

Maybe it was the shift from 'our' to 'my' that cemented a certain thought in Seungmin's mind. 

The door cracked open. 

"I'm not crying, Innie. I'm not a baby," Seungmin mumbled in a small voice, heading to the back of the room to sit by the wall. 

"No, you aren't a baby. It would be okay if you are, though." 

Seungmin hummed and shook his head, hugging his knees to his chest. "No one would like me like that. No one...likes me like this. I already am a handful." 

"Seung-" 

"You weren't here." Seungmin clenched his fist and dropped his head, letting it touch his knees. "Chan hyung's not here. Lee Know hyung is sick, and I made him take care of me. He must hate me. No one else wants me around." 

Jeongin sat down beside him and frowned. "Why do you say that?" 

He heard a sniff. 

"It's not fair. I just wanted to feel less icky. Instead I was loud 'cause I drew something for Binnie hyung, I bothered everyone by cuddling them, then annoyed them 'cause I was whiny 'cause holding chopsticks was too hard. Almos' got mad bu' I wanted to be good. After lunch no one tucked me in fo' a nap an' couldn't sleep, so I got water, but spilled it an', an', an' then..." 

Seungmin's lower lip wobbled as Jeongin put a hand on his shoulder. "Maked 'self big to clean up." 

Jeongin exhaled. "Oh Minnie, but you feel worse when you force yourself out of headspace." 

Seungmin nodded. 

"Why didn't you call someone else to help?" 

"Already bugged them enough." 

He sounded so upset with himself, and looked up with such sad eyes that Jeongin could feel his heart shattering into a million pieces. 

"Couldn't stay big so came here. Was cold, shirt wet. Felt like bad boy so sat there." He pointed to the corner of the room, where a damp towel was spread out. "Fel' bad an' sleepy, so nap time. Was...was wet, maked Lee Know hyung tired, now eve'yone fightin' because o' me." 

"They're not fighting because of you," Jeongin tried to assure him, though the muffled arguing that started outside the door strongly opposed his words. It sounded like everyone was talking over each other. 

He sighed, processing everything that Seungmin had told him. Did no one spend time with him? Did no one ask him if he needed anything? Was Seungmin really so ignored that he felt burdensome? He was independent even in headspace, so he wouldn't have needed too much attention in the first place. 

Seungmin uncurled himself and hugged Jeongin tightly, bringing him out of his thoughts. Right, help Seungmin first, tackle the hyungs later. 

"Don't go, don't leave. Promise I'll be good, won't leave my room or bother you. Just don't go away." 

Jeongin petted Seungmin's head. "None of that, Seungminnie, you can go wherever you want and do whatever you want to when you're small. I'm never going to leave you. You know that? I'm right here." 

Seungmin whimpered. "Stay wif Minnie?" 

Jeongin pulled him into a hug, handing him his stuffed dog for good measure. "Of course I'll stay. I'll stay as long as you need me." 

Seungmin was still fighting back tears, but a few rolled down his cheeks. "No go, dada." 

For a moment the world stopped turning. Jeongin's heart pounded in his chest, his eyes stinging and ears clinging to the silence hanging in the air, yearning to hear the name again. 

There was no mistaking it. 

Dada. 

He cracked a smile after remembering to breathe, and hugged Seungmin tighter. "I'm here pup, don't cry, dada's got you." 

"Not crying," Seungmin insisted. 

Jeongin knew better from the dampness on his shoulder, but decided not to mention it as his own vision blurred from unshed tears. 

"Dada's got you, dada's gonna make it all better, you'll see." 

He rocked Seungmin back and forth, humming until Seungmin relaxed in his hold, sucking his thumb at a steady rhythm. 

"Better?" 

Seungmin hummed in response. He shifted slightly and winced, his face scrunching up in pain. "Owie." 

"Where?" 

Jeongin laid eyes on the dinosaur band-aid on Seungmin's knee and patted it with gentle fingers. "My poor Minnie got hurt, oh no! We can't have that." 

Seungmin giggled at his coos. "Is okay, 'm brave. Minho hyungie gave me dinos an' now dada wif me, so Minnie all better!" 

He stretched the 'all'. "Cartoons, p'ease?" 

"Anything you want." 

Jeongin lifted him up and he squeaked, wrapping his legs around the maknae's waist. 

"Dada don' lemme fall!" 

They steadied themselves and Jeongin beamed. "Do you like being carried?" 

Seungmin whined and hid his face in the crook of Jeongin's neck. 

"I'll take that as a yes," Jeongin chuckled, grabbing Seungmin's phone. "Take your blankie, we're going to dada's room so you can rest there." 

Seungmin grabbed his blanket and nuzzled it after being put down on Jeongin's bed. 

The younger started playing one of Seungmin's favourite cartoons on his phone and took a step back. 

"I'm going to have a talk with the hyungs. Will you be okay on your own?" 

He had a suspicion that Seungmin was feeling younger than his usual headspace, but still seemed independent enough to be left alone for a short period of time. 

Seungmin did his best to give him a toothy grin around his thumb. "I wait fo' dada! I big boy!" 

Jeongin ruffled his hair, relieved. "You make me so happy, Minnie. If you need me just yell from the door, okay? Or come and get me, you don't have to talk to anyone else." 

He took a deep breath and marched straight into the living room after the little nodded, then cleared his throat to gain everyone's attention. Felix and Hyunjin nervously shrank under his gaze, Jisung looked guilty, and Changbin had an apologetic expression on his face. 

Maybe Jisung had been watching too many animes lately, but he could have sworn Jeongin's eyes flashed red. 

"I leave for a few hours and come back to Minnie thinking he's been bad simply for feeling younger, that no one likes him in headspace, and that he's a bother. After all our progress." He shook his head, speaking in a low, serious tone. "And he has a skinned knee that definitely wasn't there this morning. What happened while I was gone?" 

Minho let out a groan as he propped himself up on his elbow and a cushion. "I'd tell you if I knew the full story, but I was in my room for the most part." 

Jeongin softened and sat down beside him. "You're excused hyung, you caught the stomach flu. You should be resting anyways." 

Minho gave him a weary smile. 

"Well, I guess it's only fair if I start," Hyunjin mumbled. 

One by one the members explained how the day went. Hyunjin had had Seungmin first, and cuddled him on the sofa for a while, but admitted to neglecting him later when Felix joined them to watch a movie. 

"We could have interacted with him more, but we talked to each other and left him beside us so...he got up and left." Felix rubbed the back of his neck. 

Next, Jisung explained that Seungmin had gone to him and started colouring quietly. He had only been able to watch him for a couple of minutes before getting bored, and the little had noticed. 

"He told me I could do something else and I went on my phone. In hindsight, I should have known I was making him feel lonely. He said he was drawing something he and Changbin hyung saw yesterday, so I sent him that way." 

Changbin lamented over how he had treated Seungmin earlier. He had been too immersed in his lyric writing and snapped at him for trying to get his attention. 

"I told him not to bother me because I was working, and said he'd wake Lee Know hyung up if he kept being loud." Changbin bit his lip, purposefully ignoring Minho's glare. 

"I think Minnie sat down for lunch first," Jisung said, "I had a late breakfast so I ate later. Binnie hyung was still working, I guess." 

Hyunjin shrugged. "We gave him lunch but he just stared at his bowls. I had to tell him to pick up his chopsticks and remind him not to play with his food. It took a while to get him to start without us, and he got pretty huffy. Then he ate without a fuss so that went surprisingly well, but man that wasn't fun." 

"It's not supposed to be fun," Jeongin stated, leaning forward. "Did you ask him why he wouldn't eat? Why didn't you guys join him?" 

"We weren't hungry then." 

"You didn't think to feed him?" 

"He seemed old enough to feed himself, and he didn't ask..." Hyunjin faltered as Felix sent him a look. 

"Do you really think he'd ask us to feed him after we kept getting annoyed at him interrupting our movie for his food?" Felix deadpanned. 

Changbin sighed. "We all prioritized our break over his, and that wasn't okay." 

"Hyung, you weren't even taking a break, you were working all day even though you promised Chan hyung you wouldn't after yesterday's burnout," Jisung mentioned. 

"You weren't exactly spending every second with Minnie either," Changbin muttered. 

Minho shared a look with Jeongin, feeling a headache coming on from their constant arguing. 

"Hyungs," Jeongin said firmly, making everyone close their mouths and remember why they were in this predicament in the first place. 

"Seungmin hyung shouldn't have to ask you to help him when he's little, he's shy in headspace and you guys know that." 

"Usually he does the cute puppy eyes when he wants something, so I figured he was just being stubborn," Hyunjin told him his reasoning. 

The maknae turned to him. 

"He won't be fun and cute all the time. It's not always rainbows and unicorns. What part of he's in a literal child's mindset do you not comprehend? Tell me you didn't pout or whine if you didn't get attention as a kid. Tell me you were always smiling, playing and being cute all day, everyday in your childhood. Can you honestly say that? I can't." 

He watched the other members shake their heads, then continued. "You can't expect him to be like that. His regression is not an aesthetic! I'm more worried he didn't throw a tantrum all day after what happened." 

The others hung their heads in shame, save for Minho tapping Jeongin's knee. "I can tell you what happened after he ate. According to what he told me, that is." 

The latter nodded, breathing deeply to ease his frustration. 

"He said he left for a nap after he ate, but he was told to avoid our room because I was resting, right? He tried going to another room to rest but everyone was spread out and he didn't want to intrude. He said he was scared of making them mad, so he ended up in our room anyways when I left to try to eat something. He got thirsty later and couldn't sleep without anyone tucking him in, so he poured himself a glass of water. He spilled some and skinned his knee when he slipped trying to clean it up." 

Minho closed his eyes, remembering how he had found Seungmin. "I finished eating and got sick again, so by the time I returned to my room an hour or so had passed. I found him curled up in the corner. I think he sat there to punish himself judging from how he faced the wall, and fell asleep like that." 

Jeongin nodded. "He said he felt like a bad boy." 

Minho raised his eyebrows. "I hoped I wasn't right about that. Well, he had an accident in his sleep so I woke him up just to ask permission to change him." 

"Oh, so that's what he meant when he said he was wet," Jeongin whispered. 

"He told me all of that until he was in dry clothes, and then I dumped a dirty towel on the puddle on the floor and practically collapsed in bed. Once I felt better I came here wondering why on earth Seungmin was in such a state, and now we're here." 

"Now we're here," He repeated Minho's words, then rubbed his face and looked at the others. "You realize he's going to go back to hiding in his room again, right? He started getting comfortable, and now he thinks his headspace is a nuisance to us. He won't trust you guys easily even after you guys apologize. Not for some time." 

The others nodded in reluctant agreement, aware of what their actions would result in. 

"Innie?" 

Jeongin turned around to see Seungmin clutching the edge of his shirt in a fist while looking down at the floor. 

"Innie, can I have a sippy of juice please?" 

At least Seungmin trusted him. 

"Coming right up, Minnie." Before he was fully done the sentence, the little nodded and hurried back to his room. 

With a fond smile, he stood up and faced Minho. "Hyung, do you have the energy to tell Chan hyung everything? He should be home soon." 

Minho waved as if it was no big deal. "You underestimate my stamina, I.N-ah. Go get him his juice." 

Jeongin nodded and slipped into the kitchen to fill the sippy cup before going to where the little was. 

Seungmin greeted the maknae with a squeal and made grabby hands for his drink. 

"Thank you!" 

Jeongin handed it to him and smoothed his hair as he took a few long sips. 

"You're welcome." 

Seungmin pulled him closer and crawled into his lap. "You give me warm fuzzies," he said, turning back to his phone screen. 

"Me?" Jeongin could have melted right then and there. "Nooo, my Minnie gives me the warmest fuzzies!" 

Jeongin nuzzled the older, his soft giggles giving him a burst of joy. They faded quickly, and Seungmin fidgeted for a few seconds. 

"Is it okay if...I feel littler? I don't wanna make anyone take care of me, but...I kinda feel smaller right now?" 

Jeongin cooed and laced their fingers together. "Be as little as you want, okay? I don't mind." 

Seungmin pouted. "Not too li'l tho. Not...not yet." 

Jeongin gently knocked their heads together. "Relax. Whenever you're ready, pup. We have things to help you if you feel too small, so don't worry." 

He already had conversations about baby items with Seungmin in the past, and couldn't wait to surprise him with the custom pacifier he and Chan had tucked away somewhere he wouldn't find it. 

Maybe not on the first day of being Seungmin's person, but soon enough. 

"Innie wike bein' called dada?" The little asked, his thumb rubbing against his lips. "Shoulda asked." 

Jeongin shook his head. "I like it. I...I want to be your caregiver, I like taking care of you," he confessed, putting his chin on his head. 

"Weally? No bother?" 

The maknae's heart was definitely broken at that. 

"Really. No bother," he echoed. 

Seungmin's bright smile was contagious, because Jeongin mirrored it in moments. He tickled Seungmin's sides, and they were both falling over each other in a fit of giggles when Chan came into their room. 

"You guys sound happy," the leader grinned. "Considering what apparently happened earlier..." 

Seungmin cut him off by running up to him and hugging him. "Hyungie, hyungie! Innie's my dada!" 

Jeongin shrugged and smiled awkwardly as Chan looked at him, then Seungmin, then him again. "Oh, really? That's wonderful Minnie!" 

They knew the rest of the day would be more difficult than this. They needed to get through conversations and apologies filled with tears and reassurances, and Jeongin had to figure out where his and Seungmin's boundaries lay. 

But as Seungmin grinned up at Chan, and Jeongin let it sink in that yes, he was the chosen one (he had to explain why he was giggling to himself to Chan a minute later), they knew that it would be alright. 

After all, they were family.


	4. now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seungmin and Jeongin recollect a few milestones they have reached.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one takes place much later than the previous chapters, sometime after chapter 13 of Sunflowers.
> 
> Also, fun fact: this chapter's outline was written long before I started the other chapters in this fic :3 I was initially going to post this alone as a oneshot, but then expanded on the backstory so much that it became a multichaptered fic 🙃

Seungmin had no plans for the afternoon, but when Jeongin returned from school and went to shower he figured he could kill time with the maknae.

As soon as Jeongin was within reach (read: near the sofa after getting himself some water), Seungmin leaned forward to capture him in a hug.

"I don't like this," Jeongin told him, wrinkling his nose and extending his arms fully to hold Seungmin as far away as possible while the older tried to hug him.

"I don't like you," he said, with a bright smile that betrayed his words. His eyes squinted into dark slits as Seungmin laughed.

"Our Jeonginnie!" Seungmin persisted, succeeding in trapping Jeongin against the couch. The latter made a face as Seungmin ruffled his hair, but the two of them were smiling.

It was their thing. Jeongin playing the role of the annoyed youngest, and Seungmin coming up to remind him of their age gap.

"You're cute. Baby bread, hm? That's what you call yourself now."

Jeongin managed to suppress his giggles. "The _fans_ , hyung."

"Right."

They lay pinned to the cushions for a few moments longer in silence, the air filled with comfort and the cool breeze from an open window, drifting in from somewhere in the dorm.

They had always been this way, and yet they hadn't.

Up until recently, they had only been nothing more than a maknae and the next youngest member teasing him, bugging him, pinching his cheeks, making faces, speaking childishly, the list went on and on.

Jeongin, though he always seemed vexed, as if he'd rather be anywhere other than in Seungmin's (or any other member's) arms, never truly despised the actions. Somewhere, under all the layers of annoyance and mock disgust, he felt acceptance, love and care.

Sixteen-year-old Jeongin in his predebut days would have clobbered present-day I.N on the head with a book out of embarrassment if he ever said that out loud.

Still, they had always been this way.

And yet they hadn't.

"Hyung."

Seungmin hummed, making it known that he was listening.

"Remember when we were just-just this?"

"Nice wording." Seungmin snorted. "I don't think I catch your drift."

He shifted, placing the leg he had previously kicked over Jeongin's thighs beside his own. His hands rested on Jeongin's lower abdomen, warm and gentle. He liked spooning Jeongin this way.

"Before I became your caregiver."

Jeongin sighed, craning his neck. Laughter bubbled up inside him again as he noticed the rosy hue creeping up Seungmin's neck.

"Your _main_ caregiver, you know, for your age regression," he added for effect, a cheeky grin speading wide across his face.

"You've gone soft for me since then, you _love_ me." Seungmin quipped, trying to fluster Jeongin in return. "Say it."

"No."

"Say it!"

"Nope."

"Say you love me," he sing-songed.

Jeongin rolled his eyes, sliding under and out of his grasp. "I wont," he sang in the same melody, turning to face Seungmin.

The older pouted.

"You're mean."

Then, softer, following a pause, "Of course I remember."

"Remember the first time you regressed?" Jeongin asked.

"Ever?"

"Well, that, and with us around."

"Yeah."

"What about the first time you went to babyspace?" It was all clear to Jeongin, but Seungmin often forgot things in babyspace.

"I vaguely do. I spilled juice everywhere because I dropped my sippy cup. You helped me out and talked me down into a really young headspace."

Then Seungmin surprised him by saying, "Walk me through it. From your point of view. I want to know what it's like to take care of me, of a regressor that young."

It occurred to Jeongin that Seungmin had no experience with younger regression from a carer's perspective. Sure, out of headspace he had looked after Chan or Hyunjin on rare occasions, but he never had the chance to spoon-feed them or use a bottle. He didn't even know how to hold a little properly.

"Sure. What should we start with?"

Jeongin had a decent amount of knowledge on taking care of children since he was much older than his younger brother. He could argue that some of the other members were better at it than he was, but no matter how brotherly they were, Seungmin always went to the maknae. He seemed to fit with Seungmin like jigsaw puzzle pieces, they slotted together perfectly.

"Can you...show me how you hold a little to bottle-feed them?"

Jeongin grinned. "Don't be so shy hyung, it's just us. Sit up. You know how I hold you, right? It's not that hard."

Seungmin sat up and bit back a squeak as Jeongin moved into his lap.

"You have to support my weight a little more."

The younger adjusted himself and Seungmin's hands until he deemed their position good enough to continue. He grabbed a nearby water bottle and explained to Seungmin how to hold a baby bottle to feed a regressor, giggling as Seungmin failed a few attempts before managing to successfully feed him some water.

"You did it!" He cheered, turning around to see Seungmin fanning his red ears.

"It took forever, ahh, I tipped it too much and almost spilled water everywhere," he groaned through a sheepish smile.

"Don't you remember the first time I fed you a bottle?"

Jeongin waited until Seungmin's eyes lit up in recognition, then they both burst out laughing.

"It takes a few tries, hyung. I had to figure it out on my own, so be grateful you have me to teach you now."

Seungmin cackled so hard his sides hurt, but he didn't care. The memory of Jeongin holding him too low in his lap, looking at their very first baby bottle with the same confusion as someone trying to read instructions in a foreign language, was too funny to not laugh at.

Especially because the first time he tried feeding Seungmin, he had been so afraid of making Seungmin accidentally choke that he barely tilted the bottle, and impatient baby Seungmin had grabbed the bottle himself. The ensuing scuffle ended with milk dribbling all over Seungmin's face, and Jeongin sighing in exasperation.

Once the pair finally stifled their laughter, Seungmin wrapped his arms around the maknae and pulled him down to resume their cuddle session, which was more Seungmin koala-hugging him and him laying still.

Seungmin knew he was too ticklish to appreciate skinship, and respected that. It made cuddling much more meaningful on the few occasions that Jeongin reciprocated the actions.

"Any other first times that come to mind?"

Jeongin recalled other scattered moments. The first time Seungmin and Chan played together. The first time Hyunjin joined the mix. The first time the trio had been together. All of these stories for the others to tell. Not now. Not here, when they were reminiscing what was precious to them.

"I thought of something embarrassing," Seungmin cleared his throat.

"This is what happens at three in the morning when you think too much." Jeongin muttered, hearing the other man snicker behind him. Operation Lift Seungmin's Mood was a success.

"It's three in the afternoon!"

"Same difference."

He felt Seungmin shaking his head, then a weight on his shoulder. The older was resting his chin there, his eyes closed and cheeks pink.

"It's fine. The first time I had an accident because of my headspace. It's still a first time, I just can't call it a milestone despite the fact that it means something."

Jeongin felt his breath ghosting his cheek, Seungmin's voice barely above a whisper next to his ear.

"Hyung? Is it embarrassing because you feel embarrassed? Or because you expect everyone else to be embarrassed for you?"

"I..."

"It's not-"

"A big deal, yes Innie, I know." Seungmin brought a hand to his face, covering his eyes. "I guess I'm embarrassed because, well, I should be able to control my body as an adult, but sometimes I can't because I'm regressed, and big me thinks everyone will judge me. No one has, but still."

Jeongin tilted his head to touch Seungmin's. "You have needs," he said nonchalantly. "I remember when you first tried protection."

"Way to change the topic," he groaned, "Like that's any better."

"I mean, you feel secure in them when you're much younger. At first you refused, then you tried one on yourself. I had to help with the tapes when you first tried the thicker ones because you couldn't make them stick."

"I couldn't stop covering my face when you changed me after I gave you permission. I couldn't believe you were okay with that. Aigo, I was awkward for weeks."

They chuckled.

Jeongin remembered those days well. It had taken a few days of trying to initiate the conversation after waking up with Seungmin in soaked sheets and receiving no for an answer, until Seungmin finally responded with "Not...in this headspace."

He had to talk him down, and found that, surprisingly, little Seungmin was better at expressing his need for protection when he felt younger than his usual headspace.

"What else is there?" Seungmin wondered aloud, bringing Jeongin out of his thoughts before another memory popped into his head.

"I got one. The first time you called me dada. Remember?"

Seungmin nodded, his chin dipping into Jeongin's shoulder with every motion. "Of course. The day I was being too much for everyone."

He could feel Jeongin tense as he shifted to face him.

"No you weren't. They were just bad at taking care of you that day. It wasn't your fault you needed to relieve stress, and they all knew they should have put you first."

His voice was even softer when he spoke. "I know that, but I still think of it sometimes, Innie. It's hard not to blame myself even when I know I was being good."

The maknae shook his head. "I'll remind you every time that you did nothing wrong. Happy thoughts now, you called me dada and my heart flipped."

"Was it weird?"

"Nope." He went back to facing away from Seungmin, the older's chin resting on his shoulder again. "It was touching to know you wanted me to be there for you. When I hear you call me that I want nothing more than to protect you. I can feel how much you trust me. I love it when you call me that."

"I love calling you that when I'm really young."

A few minutes went by in comfortable silence.

"When did you first kiss me?" Seungmin questioned innocently, in spite of knowing the possible answer. "Excluding the times you leaned in one minute and changed your mind the next."

"Never," Jeongin scoffed.

"Hi, I'm Jeongin, and I don't kiss my members because that's too cringey," Seungmin imitated him in a cheery, exaggerated tone of voice.

"I do _not_ sound like that!"

"Sure you don't. Like you don't kiss me either."

Seungmin smirked. Ever since Jisung had claimed Jeongin had kissed him during their trainee days, the maknae kept denying the incident, or any other kisses that followed. Jisung was adamant that it had happened, and Jeongin refused to acknowledge it at all.

It gave Seungmin a certain satisfaction to know that Jeongin only saved his kisses for him. In fact, Seungmin couldn't recall seeing him doing anything as such to anyone else.

"I was watching cartoons one day, wrapped in the blanket you gave me. Right?"

"Wrong."

He nearly choked on his spit. He definitely was not expecting that. "What?"

He also didn't expect Jeongin to turn and face him, curling his fingers in Seungmin's clothes as a distraction.

"That was the first time I kissed you while you were _awake_." The edges of his lips curved slightly. "Before that I would peck your forehead, sometimes your cheek, while you were asleep."

"Why when I was sleeping?" Seungmin exclaimed. This was news to him.

"It was easier." Jeongin shrugged. "You know I'm not great at displays of affection."

"Then..." When was the first time? The unanswered question lingered at the tip of the older's tongue, but not for long.

"It was before I became your designated person. You were in bed with me, after I got you the blanket. You had your pup too, but nothing else. So there I was, drowsy and thinking of how you were fine with the few things you had, wondering if you wanted more. If you were shy, or just scared of us seeing you with regression gear. Late night thoughts, you know." Jeongin smiled at him. "You deserved more, _deserve_ , more. I wanted to show you I was there for you, with you. So I gathered the courage to..."

He leaned forward.

Seungmin, in sudden shyness, closed his eyes. He felt soft lips kissing his nose and laughed, his eyes snapping open. Jeongin moved back, embarrassed and happy, if the sparkles in his eyes meant anything.

"Do that," he mumbled, a faint pink blush colouring his cheeks.

"My nose, of all places?" Seungmin said incredulously, still laughing softly.

"Yup. I don't know _why_ I chose your nose. Your cheek would have made more sense because who gets butterflies over kissing a nose, right? I did."

He squeaked as lips met his forehead.

"I don't know why I chose your forehead," Seungmin stated, pulling back after giving him a few short pecks. "You don't need a reason, dummy."

"Ew," Jeongin wiped his forehead with the back of his sleeve. "Gross, you're all domestic and cheesy."

"Sure, blame it on Seungmin, Mr. I-Kiss-You-In-Your-Sleep."

"Kissed. Put that in past tense right now."

"Why, is it a lie? Don't you do it anymore? Oh I.N-ah, I'm hurt."

The maknae rolled his eyes. "It's true, I still do, just be quiet okay? Someone's going to hear you."

He shifted further into Seungmin's arms, his words slurring.

"Look who's being domestic now," Seungmin said, listening to his breathing as it slowed. He heard a quiet hum in response.

Jeongin fell asleep, even though the afternoon light still illuminated the rooms.

Seungmin giggled, brushing some stray locks of hair out of the younger's eyes. He must have finally crashed, he figured, the younger having not slept a wink following the previous night's schedules and his early morning exam at school.

"What about our next times? Can we go over those?" He murmured, closing his eyes. With a deep breath he relaxed, dozing off in the warmth of the sun and the younger man in his arms.

They had always been this way, and they wouldn't change it for the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who wants a bonus chapter about Seungmin getting his pacifier? :D
> 
> (it'll take place between this chapter and the previous one, but I'll label it as chapter 5 if that's okay 😅)


	5. paci dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seungmin recalls the day when Jeongin and Chan had a little surprise for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The flashback takes place sometime after chapter 3 I guess :3 enjoy, love y'all ♡♡

Seungmin was on the couch, sucking his pacifier at a slow rhythm while scrolling through his phone, when a figure appeared in his periphery.

"Hey Seungmin can you do me a favour- oh, hey Minnie, you feeling small too?" Jisung cooed, his tone shifting significantly at the assumption that Seungmin was in headspace.

Which would usually be the correct assumption, since Seungmin's pacifier was tied to his regression.

However, today was a different day.

"I'm no' li'l Hannie, jus' dreaming. What can I do fo' you?" Seungmin put his phone down and grinned at him, noticing that he had a full baby bottle in one hand and a whiny Hyunjin clinging to his back.

"You're not regressed? Yes! I mean, no, wait, don't you only use that when regressed? Not that I _want_ you to be little, or _don't_ want you to be little because either is fine, really, and I don't mean to pressure you into not using your paci outside of headspace because that is _not_ what I mean..."

Seungmin chuckled and rolled his eyes. "Relax. I've gotten past the point o' caring 'bout using it ou'side o' headspace. I'm not li'l, don't feel like it and that's okay. Go on."

Jisung took a deep breath and sighed. "So Minho hyung went with Changbin hyung to the convenience store to get snacks, and he left me to look after Hyunie in his place, which was fine because who doesn't love this baby?"

Hyunjin grumbled and buried his face in Jisung's hair.

"He's a bit grouchy because he has a headache and he's still hungry. Anyways, could you feed him for me? I need to use the bathroom real quick and I don't know how to give babies a bottle."

"Wha' makes 'ou think I know how?" Seungmin exclaimed, reaching out to take the bottle, and then pull Hyunjin into his lap.

"I'm roommates with Innie," Jisung explained. "Kay thanks baby, you're the best, I'll be right back!"

He darted out, leaving the two alone.

Seungmin cradled Hyunjin, first making sure his head was supported. He tried not to overanalyze what he was doing and followed Jeongin's advice, sighing when Hyunjin latched onto the bottle and started drinking with small, fast-paced sucks.

It was only after Hyunjin kept wiggling his feet, and letting out contented noises, that Seungmin realized he was actually feeding a regressor.

With a bottle.

In his lap.

He smiled around his pacifier and felt his worries disappear into thin air. Hyunjin seemed perfectly fine - a little too fine considering how quickly he was drinking his milk, so Seungmin could say he was doing well. Although, he had to pull the bottle away a few times to prevent Hyunjin from choking.

He felt warmer inside while holding the little so tenderly, accepting the fact that Hyunjin trusted him enough to be so vulnerable even though he lacked experience.

Their situation might have looked odd to some, but Seungmin couldn't care less.

Which was great, because it meant he didn't shy away when Felix came in to check up on them a minute later.

"You're feeding him?"

The Aussie took a seat beside Seungmin and watched Hyunjin finish his milk.

"Mhm."

Seungmin knew Felix was used to bottle feeding littles, so the fact that Jisung came to him and not Felix first was questionable. He suspected that Jeongin had something to do with it.

He'd confront the maknae about it later.

"You're not little though," Felix said, eyeing the soother that bobbed in his mouth.

He shook his head.

Felix then held onto the bottle as the younger pulled Hyunjin upright and patted his back. They giggled as he burped.

"Your paci helps you relax, right? Ah, you must have been thrilled when Chan hyung and Innie first gave it to you. Tell me about that day again. I love that story."

"You'b only heard it once though," Seungmin blushed, but leaned closer to Felix. "P'ease take 'y paci ou' so I can talk better."

The pacifier was removed and neatly tucked into Felix's palm.

"It's sweet."

The younger nodded and caressed Hyunjin's cheek as he whined and squirmed from tiredness.

"Storytime, Hyunie. I'll help you take a nap."

The little lay down on his knee and gazed at him with wide eyes, anticipating the story he had heard before.

"It was cloudy that night."

*

Seungmin had just gotten home from practice with the others. He was thoroughly exhausted, muscles aching under the hot water that poured over him in the shower.

It was one of those days. He simply wanted to be held, nothing more. The feeling of comfort and security made his anxieties and stress melt away, like snow in the spring sun rays.

Once he was dry and dressed, he made a beeline to his room and stopped when he saw two of his members sitting on the floor.

He took a few moments to figure out why they were there.

Chan was poking Jeongin and seemed to be teasing him, considering how the younger kept pulling faces that Chan continued to laugh at.

The sight made Seungmin smile, and he cleared his throat before walking in as he normally would.

"Hey guys," he paused abruptly to yawn, stretching his arms as he did so, "I was about to go find one of you."

He sat down between them.

"Yeah? Why, what's up?" Chan asked, always smiling, always so understanding. His caring habits made Seungmin want to slip at times.

"I'm tired. I mean, everyone is after that dance practice, but today was tiring for me. There are too many thoughts in my head." He looked at Jeongin as he and Chan nodded knowingly.

"I want to regress right now," he continued, grabbing his stuffed dog off of his bed. "I don't need much, just cuddles, I guess?"

"Aw hyung." Jeongin scooted closer. He grinned in the way that made his eyes close and hearts melt.

"We're so proud of you for telling us." Chan ran his fingers through Seungmin's hair, the repetitive motion already making his insides feel fuzzy. "You know you can always come to us, and Minho. And the others when you're ready."

It had been a while since the incident with him being neglected all day. He had already made up with the others in both his adult and younger headspaces, but all of them knew he needed time to get comfortable with his regression again. No one pushed him to regress, except for Jeongin talking him down on nights alone with him, when he couldn't get into headspace by himself.

Seungmin hummed to answer the older, and turned his head to look at the door. It was open, just how he had left it.

"Can we shut the door? And lock it, if that's okay?"

Chan stood up to close the door, which gave Jeongin the opportunity to take his place, putting a hand in Seungmin's hair and the other on his back.

"Is this okay, Minnie?"

He nodded, leaning into the maknae's touch and shoulder. "Want both of you tonight."

The two others with him cooed.

"That's perfect, Seungmin. You see, the both of us wanted to be with you tonight." Chan returned, this time crossing his legs and sitting much closer to the pair on the floor.

Seungmin made a small noise of curiosity, nearly in headspace. "Why?"

"You see, silly bean, we have a surprise for you," Jeongin fondly and quietly told him, leaning in to press his face into Seungmin's hair. He didn't quite kiss his head, but the contact was equally as intimate.

"Sup'ise?" Seungmin looked at Chan, then Jeongin with wide eyes. "But I din' do anything."

"Oh, but you do lots of things for us, and you're so sweet!" Chan pinched his cheek, making him giggle. "You're always so good for us."

"Here, wanna see what we got you?"

Jeongin pulled a small blue box out from behind him, and Seungmin leaned over, wondering how he had missed seeing it earlier.

"Can I touch it?"

Jeongin handed him the box and closed his hands around it. "Of course! After all, it is yours. Open it. I think you'll like it. Chan hyung insisted on paying, but I got it designed the way you wanted it."

Seungmin still had no idea what was in the box because he hadn't asked for anything recently. He shook it and heard the inside contents rattle against the box. It had to be a single solid item, then.

He took off the lid and gasped quietly.

Inside was a light purple adult pacifier, decorated with a paw print charm on the button. White letter beads with black font spelled out the word 'pup' on the handle. It even came with a clear teat and a cover for it.

"Surprise!" Chan exclaimed.

The regressor picked up the soother and turned it in his hand, gazing at it in awe with his mouth partially open.

"Remember you drew a pretty paci for me? I got it made the exact same way. It's perfect for our pup," Jeongin murmured, sounding proud at how the design turned out.

Seungmin continued to stare at it, his lips slowly curling into a watery smile. Silent tears streamed down his cheeks, prompting Chan to hug him and rub his back.

"Aw, Minnie, you're that happy?"

Seungmin sniffed, hugging him back. He went over to Jeongin and hugged him tightly afterwards. "Thank you hyung, thank you dada. Love yous so so so much."

"Anything for you." Jeongin squeezed him reassuringly. "We love you too."

"Ju clean? I use it?"

The other two men remembered that Seungmin had not known the word for a pacifier when he was younger, and probably wanted to stick with his childhood nickname for the item. He truly was adorable.

Jeongin hummed an affirmation. "We cleaned it, but cleaning it again won't hurt. We couldn't find paci wipes so we'll have to wash it until we get some. You wanna use it?"

The little gave him a small nod.

Chan cooed, held Seungmin's hand and helped him stand up. No sooner had he unlocked the door did the younger run out with muffled taps of his socked feet on the floor, sliding and swinging around the corners of walls and doorways until he found the bathroom sink. The leader breathed out a light laugh at his actions, firmly holding onto him to keep him safe as he washed his face of tear stains, rinsed the pacifier teat, put it in his mouth and rushed back to the room.

He sat down by Jeongin while Chan locked the door, and started sucking the pacifier.

It was meant to fit in his mouth, and worked immensely better than his thumb. The sucking was soothing, and he found his eyes fluttering shut as a wave of calmness went through him. He was already in love with it.

"How do you feel?" Chan asked, in a soft voice.

"Small 'nd safe," Seungmin mumbled. "An' s'eepy. Wan dada hol me n 'yungie p'ay wif 'air p'ease."

"Oh baby. You know we can't say no when you ask so nicely." Jeongin finally pulled him into his lap and wrapped his arms around the little.

Seungmin felt his eyes watering from the skinship. "I gonna be vewy tiny, scawy."

"Don't be scared hun, we'll take care of you. Here's your little friend to help you." Chan handed him his stuffie and played with his hair as requested, mirroring the smile that spread on his lips.

"Pubby," he drawled, hugging the toy to his chest.

Later, he ended up sandwiched between Chan and Jeongin in a random bed, wrapped in his blanket and drifting into a quiet corner of his mind. He whined and squirmed slightly, just enough to gain Jeongin's attention, before smiling around his pacifier.

"Da?"

The maknae opened an eye.

"What is it, my precious little aegi?"

"S'ank you."

He squeaked as Jeongin hummed and moved closer to hug him. "Welcome."

Then Chan wrapped his arms around the both of them, surrounding the little with warmth.

"Sleep tight kids," he whispered.

Seungmin had never slept better.

*

Hyunjin was asleep in Seungmin's lap when he finished retelling the experience to Felix and Jisung, who had returned in the middle of it.

The Aussie grinned, popped the pacifier back into Seungmin's mouth and poked his cheek.

"You look so peaceful when you use it, you know? I'm glad you have your ways of coping."

Seungmin nodded and curled up beside the sleeping regressor with them. "You know what th' best part ith?"

Felix shook his head.

"I can use my hands an' suck at th' same ti'e." He pressed a soft kiss to Hyunjin's knuckles before tucking his hand into a more comfortable position.

"Our Seungminnie's so cute." Jisung tickled him, his soft laughter music to his ears.

"Youw gonna make me s'ip an' be small!" He giggled.

"Is that so bad, baby? We love you for you, regression and all."

He squished his face in a cushion to hide the blush creeping up his skin. "You're being so cheesy, Hannie."

"It's true," Felix agreed, moving in to cuddle him.

So maybe the four of them took a nap, piled onto the couch for the others to find when they came home.

And maybe Seungmin later yanked Jeongin away to excitedly ramble about feeding Hyunjin with a bottle, right where Changbin and Minho could eavesdrop on them and coo over on their own time.

And maybe Chan made sure no one bothered the two that night, and left Seungmin's regression gear out on Jeongin's bed, just in case.

Maybe the intimacy between all of them hadn't been so prominent until Seungmin had discovered, and exposed, that side of himself. And maybe the vulnerability was nerve-wracking at times, because the others could witness what his inner child needed for comfort.

No matter what, one thing was certain.

If he had the chance, Seungmin wouldn't change a single thing.


End file.
